Adverse Childhood Experiences

Things Controlling Parents Say



A controlling parent operates like a puppet master in the family dynamic, with every family member’s actions guided by their strings.  This parent views themselves as the ultimate authority, always knowing what’s best and expecting obedience from everyone else.

Imagine a mother or father who dictates every aspect of their child’s life, from what they wear to who they befriend, turning every decision into a reflection of their own preferences and desires.

Having a controlling parent often leads to a constrained and stressful childhood, stifling the child’s autonomy and individuality.

What Is A Controlling Parent?

A controlling parent exercises excessive control over their child’s life. There are two types of control – behavioral and psychological. Controlling parents usually refers to those who exert both types of control, overshadowing the child’s ability to make decisions, explore personal interests, and develop independence.

They may tightly manage their children’s schedules, steer their interests, stand over them while doing homework, or ensure they wear the right clothes.

These parents often resort to assertive discipline techniques like yelling, spanking, punishment, and verbal threats of punishment to establish and maintain power over their children.​1​

Controlling parents tend to be intrusive, possessive, overprotective, directive, and manipulative.

50 Things Controlling Parents Say

A controlling parent might employ sayings or perceived “truths” to guide their children’s behavior and choices. 

Frequently, these parents exert authority over their children, stifling conversation and discussion before making decisions. 

This can leave children feeling helpless and like their opinions or needs do not matter.

Calling All The Shots

Controlling parents tend to make all the decisions for their children.

Children with psychologically controlling parents tend to have low self-esteem.​2​

  1. Because I said so.

  2. Mother knows best.

  3. You’ll understand when you’re older; just follow my instructions now.

  4. I know what’s best for you.

  5. I know you better than you know yourself.

  6. You’re too young to understand this, so just do as I tell you.

  7. I’m your parent, and you’ll follow my rules as long as you live under my roof.

  8. You don’t have a say in this matter; I’ve already decided for you.

  9. You’ll follow my rules as long as you’re my responsibility.

  10. You’ll thank me later for making this decision for you.

  11. I’m only doing this for your own good, so don’t question me.

  12. I’m the parent, and what I say goes, no discussion.

  13. Trust me, I know better than you; just do what I say.

  14. I’m your parent, not your friend; you need to obey me.

Manipulation

Some controlling parents manipulate their children through guilt induction, shaming, or love withdrawal.

These children also tend to feel rejected by their manipulative parents and develop feelings of resentment towards them.​3​

  1. If you really loved me, you would do as I say.

  2. If you don’t do it, I will be so disappointed.

  3. I’ve given you everything, and this is how you repay me?

  4. You’ll regret this when I’m dead.

  5. A good son wouldn’t treat their father like this.

  6. Don’t you trust me? Just do what I’m telling you.

  7. You’re not allowed to keep any secrets from me.

  8. You don’t want to be a failure, do you? Then do what I tell you.

  9. You’ll ruin your life if you don’t listen to me.

  10. You owe me this much for all I’ve done for you.

  11. If you don’t do this, you’ll let the whole family down.

  12. You’ll never get anywhere in life without my guidance.

  13. I’m doing this because I love you.

  14. You don’t want people to think badly of you, do you? Then do as I say.

  15. Don’t make me regret all the sacrifices I’ve made for you; just follow my lead.

Threats

Controlling parents often resort to intimidation and threats of punishment to get their children to comply with their wishes.​4​

  1. Do what I say, or else.

  2. Don’t you dare talk back to me.

  3. My house, my rules.

  4. It’s my way or the highway.

  5. Stop crying, or I’ll give you something to cry about.

  6. Do this, or you’ll be grounded for a month.

  7. You’ll do as I say, or you’ll face the consequences.

  8. Don’t test me; you won’t like what happens if you disobey.

  9. I brought you into this world, and I can take away everything you have.

  10. You’ll regret it if you don’t listen to me.

  11. If you don’t do this, you’ll be sorry.

  12. I’m not asking; I’m telling. Do it, or else.

Invalidation

Controlling parents often tend to invalidate their children’s feelings, opinions, and experiences. 

This invalidation can manifest in dismissive behaviors, such as belittling the child’s emotions, ignoring their viewpoints, or outright rejecting their thoughts and feelings.

Children with controlling parents often feel unheard and unimportant.​5​

  1. Trust me. It’s not as bad as you think.

  2. Stop being so sensitive.

  3. It’s not a big deal.

  4. You should be happy.

  5. You should be grateful for this.

  6. You’re too young to know what you want.

  7. You don’t really want that.

  8. You’re just overreacting; calm down.

  9. Don’t be silly; that’s not something to be upset about.

  10. Stop being so dramatic.

Things Narcissistic Fathers Say



A narcissistic father is like the sun in his own solar system, with everyone else orbiting around him. He sees himself as the most important person in every room, always deserving of the best and superior to everyone else.  Picture a dad who takes credit for his child’s achievements, turning the spotlight onto themselves every time.

Having a narcissistic father often leads to miserable childhoods.

What Is A Narcissistic Father

A narcissistic father is a self-absorbed parent.

He has an inflated sense of self-importance.

He believes he is superior, better, and more important than others, and, therefore, he is entitled to more.

He assumes everyone is just an extension of him, and they should be under his control.​1​

Things Narcissistic Fathers Say

Here are some common things you might hear from a narcissistic father and why he says them.

He’s Always Right, And You Do Everything Wrong.

A narcissistic father always puts his desires, needs, and demands at the forefront of every situation.

He insists on having things done his way, and anything less is simply unacceptable.​2​

He places high demands on others and expects immediate and precise adherence to his needs, regardless of whether those needs have been made clear.

He anticipates everyone to read his mind and get it right.

He rarely pauses to think about others, their needs, or their rights.

To him, he is the ultimate authority, always right, and his children must conform to his expectations or face his anger, punishment, and verbal assault.

  1. “You’ll do as I say, or you’ll regret it.”

  2. “My house, my rules. If you don’t like it, there’s the door.”

  3. “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out of it.”

  4. “You’ll do it my way or not at all.”

  5. “Only an idiot will make mistakes like that.”

  6. “Why can’t you ever do anything right? It’s not that hard.”

  7. “You can make your own rules when you have your own house.”

  8. “I don’t care what you think. This is not a democracy.”

  9. “You’re either part of the solution or part of the problem.”

  10. “I’m the law here.”

  11. “If you can’t like my rules, find somewhere else to live.”

  12. “Why can’t you ever do anything right? It’s not that hard.”

  13. “I shouldn’t have to tell you what to do. You should already know.”

  14. “You’re always disappointing me. Can’t you just do as you’re told?”

  15. “You’re so stupid. Even an idiot wouldn’t make that mistake.”

  16. “You never think before you act. What does your brain do?”

  17. “I don’t understand why you can’t just do things the right way.”

  18. “Are you a dummy?”

  19. “Why do I have to explain myself over and over again?”

  20. “Can’t you just get it right for once? You’re always a letdown.”

Only His Feelings Matter

Everything is about the narcissistic father, and he makes sure of that by saying and doing things without regard for other people’s feelings.

A narcissistic father is often a harsh critic, yet he has a delicate ego.

He belittles and dismisses the feelings of others but demands empathy in return.​3​

He also likes to portray himself as the victim, asserting that he has been wronged even when that’s far from the truth.

  1. “You’re so ungrateful. You never consider how your actions affect me.”

  2. “You’re always trying to make me look bad.”

  3. “Why are you so selfish, never thinking about my feelings?”

  4. “You’re too sensitive. You need to toughen up.”

  5. “You’re so incompetent compared to your brother.”

  6. “Your sister never gives me any trouble.”

  7. “Can’t you see how much stress you’re causing me?”

  8. “You are such an embarrassment.”

  9. “You’re always making a big deal out of nothing.”

  10. “You’re always embarrassing me with your behavior.”

  11. “You’re such a disappointment. You’ve ruined my reputation.”

  12. “You’re always trying to make me look bad.”

Also See: Things Controlling Parents Say

He Exploits Others

A narcissistic father takes pleasure in criticizing others, using it as a stepping stone to elevate his own self-worth, as if to say, “Look at how bad they are and how superior I am.”

He can be ruthlessly mocking or even dredging up someone’s painful past, all to assert their perceived superiority.

He feels the need to constantly remind others that they are better than others.

  1. “You’ll never be as successful as I am.”

  2. “I can’t believe you made such a simple mistake. I would never do that.”

  3. “Why can’t you be more like me? I was always top of my class.”

  4. “Remember when you couldn’t even ride a bike? I was winning races at your age.”

  5. “See you’re messing it up again. I never had these problems.”

  6. “I can’t believe you’re struggling with this. It’s so easy for me.”

  7. “You’re always so slow. I would have finished that in half the time.”

  8. “You’re always so clumsy.”

  9. “You lost again? I won several medals at your age.”

  10. “I can’t believe you’re my child. You’re nothing like me.”

He Needs Constant Attention And Praise

Narcissistic fathers often crave attention and validation.

They may brag about their accomplishments or take credit for their children’s successes.​4​

  1. “I’ve done so much for you. You should be thanking me.”

  2. “Look at what a great father I am. I’ve raised such successful children.”

  3. “Your mom is so smart. She married me.”

  4. “I’ve sacrificed so much for this family.”

  5. “I’ve worked hard to provide for this family.”

  6. “You will not find another parent willing to spend this much on your education.”

  7. “I’ve always put this family first.”

  8. “I’ve always been the responsible one in this family.”

  9. “I’m always the one who does everything. Your mother does nothing.”

  10. “I’ve always been the one to make the tough decisions.”

He Manipulates

A narcissistic father manipulates and exploits others to achieve his goals.

He will lie, distort, mislead, and guilt-trip others to get what he wants.

  1. “I’ve worked hard all my life for you, and this is how you repay me?”

  2. “I’ve given up so much for this family, and you can’t even do this one thing for me.”

  3. “If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t have anything.”

  4. “I’ve sacrificed my dreams for you, and you don’t appreciate it.”

  5. “You’re always thinking about yourself and never about me.”

Final Thoughts On Narcissistic Fathers

The hurtful things narcissistic fathers say or do can lead to a traumatized childhood.

The scars of emotional trauma from parents may linger into adulthood.

However, you’re not bound by these past experiences or memories for the rest of your life.

You are not your trauma.

The healing process begins when you recognize the signs of childhood trauma and seek professional help.





Things Narcissistic Mothers Say and Why They Say Them

Having to deal with a narcissistic mother is more than just dealing with her demanding and controlling behavior.

They often say hurtful things that undermine your self-esteem.

Growing up with a narcissistic parent can be a nightmare.

Mothers who are narcissistic are not just mothers; they are master manipulators who may like to take over every aspect of their children’s lives​1​.

To be in complete control, she may be willing to go to any lengths or say hurtful statements​2​.

What Is A Narcissistic Mother

A narcissistic mother is characterized by grandiosity.

She tends to have an exaggerated sense of her own importance and unrealistic expectations of how others perceive her.

A sense of entitlement is another one of the narcissist mom traits.

She assumes that everyone is just an extension of herself, and therefore, she can control everyone else.

She uses criticism, blame, and degrading insults to control her children.

Insecurity, shame, and self-loathing are common feelings experienced by adult children whose mothers are narcissistic​3​. 

Things Narcissistic Mothers Say

Below are some signs of a toxic mother and harsh words she uses.

Everything Is About Them

In the world of a narcissist, everything revolves around them. 

They’re the center of their own universe and everyone exists to serve them.

They are the only ones who matter. 

They also think that their children are nothing without them.

  1. “I put your happiness first, and I get this in return.”

  2. “You only did this to hurt my feelings.”

  3. “I gave up my life to give you a better one, and you do nothing for me in return.”

  4. “You’re such a bad child. You should have known its impact on me when you made the decision.”

  5. “If I hadn’t been so busy raising you, I would have had a career.”

  6. “You have ruined my life.”

  7. “I can not believe I wasted my whole life on you.”

  8. “You are my biggest mistake.”

  9. “You only think about yourself”

  10. “You are the most ungrateful child I have ever met.”

  11. “You are trying to embarrass me here.”

Their Feelings Are Important. Yours Are Not.

A narcissist mom has fragile self-esteem.

Things Narcissistic Mothers Say

Things Narcissistic Mothers Say

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Any time you hurt it, even unknowingly, you have committed a serious crime. 

Although they cherish their feelings, they do not care if they hurt someone else. 

A narcissist dismisses others’ feelings and enjoys criticizing them in the most hurtful way.

  1. “You’re so selfish. You never care about my feelings.”

  2. “Why did you do this to hurt me?”

  3. “You knew I didn’t like it, but you still did it to hurt me.”

  4. “You only think about yourself.”

  5. “You always look for attention.”

  6. “You don’t deserve everything that I have done for you.”

  7. “Why do you always have to make a big deal out of everything?”

  8. “Nobody cares what you have to say.”

  9. “You should try being more like your sister. She is my favorite child.”

  10. “It’s embarrassing to be related to you.”

  11. “Don’t you think it’s a good time to join the gym?”

  12. “Maybe you should try losing a few pounds.”

  13. “You’re so pretty but you will look better if you lose some weight.”

  14. “You should never wear this dress; it makes you look fat.”

  15. “You eat so much. Why don’t you start jogging for a change?”

  16. “I don’t understand what he sees in you.”

  17. “I’m baffled as to how he puts up with you.”

  18. “You should take a lesson from your sister because she never disappoints me.”

  19. “You don’t deserve to be happy.”

  20. “You will never amount to anything.”

  21. “You should be ashamed of yourself.”

  22. “No wonder you don’t have any friends.”

  23. “You are a horrible child. You never appreciate anything I’ve done for you.”

Their Way Or The Highway

When you have a narcissist parent, everything must be done their way or it’s wrong. 

They think they know what’s best but they are just self-serving.

Any disagreement is viewed as a personal attack to them and they respond with rage and aggression. 

They never stop to consider others have rights, needs, and preferences, too.

  1. “Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about.”

  2. “If you ever do that, you are not my son.”

  3. “Do this now or you’ll never do it.”

They Manipulate

In order to control all aspects of their children’s lives, narcissistic mothers manipulate their children by dismissing, gaslighting, shaming, blaming, and raging.

Guilt trips are also often used as a form of control.

  1. “That never happened. You must have imagined it.”

  2. “It’s not that big of a deal.”

  3. “Why are you so dramatic?”

  4. “You are overreacting.”

  5. “No one will ever love you with that attitude.”

  6. “You have an awful personality and can never do anything right.”

  7. “Everyone agrees that you’re probably the worst person to go out with.”

  8. “You’ll be sorry for it when I’m gone.”

  9. “I wish I had a daughter who I could depend on.”

  10. “Don’t make a scene.”

  11. “Get over it.”

  12. “You’re being overly sentimental.”

Also See: Things Controlling Parents Say

They Need Constant Attention And Praise

In the eyes of the outside world, some narcissistic mothers are great mothers. 

They brag and boast about what they do for their children and how much sacrifice they make. 

  1. “I sacrificed so much for my kids.”

  2. “Helping my children achieve these things was a lot of work.”

  3. “Look, my child got first prize. I’m so glad I didn’t let him give up on piano.”

Final Thoughts On Things Narcissistic Mothers Say

A toxic relationship between a parent and a child can be very damaging to the child’s emotional growth. 

You may still carry the emotional abuse and the burden of narcissism as an adult.

However, you don’t have to live with those life experiences or images for the rest of your life.

Get help by finding a mental health professional who specializes in working with adult children of toxic parents and talk through what happened to you so you can move on and start healing from it.

Parental Rejection Effects And Coping Strategies

What is Parental Rejection Parental rejection is the absence or significant withdrawal of warmth, love, and affection by parents using physically or psychologically hurtful behaviors or emotions. It can be experienced by four types of expressions or parenting styles: Having the perception of being rejected by parents is a painful experience. It can significantly impact …

PARENTAL REJECTION EFFECTS AND COPING STRATEGIES






What Is Parental Rejection

Parental rejection is the absence or significant withdrawal of warmth, love, and affection by parents using physically or psychologically hurtful behaviors or emotions. It can be experienced by four types of expressions or parenting styles:

  • Cold and unaffectionate

  • Hostile and aggressive

  • Indifferent and neglecting

  • Undifferentiated rejecting – when a child believes their parents do not really care about or love them, regardless of whether they show clear signs of neglect, unaffection, or aggression.

Having the perception of being rejected by parents is a painful experience. It can significantly impact a child’s psychological and social development. 

According to the parental acceptance-rejection theory (PARTheory), the important thing is whether the child perceives this as true, not whether a third party observes this to be true​1​.

Examples Of Parental Rejection

Parent rejection can take the form of physical rejection or emotional rejection.

  • A lack of parental warmth and caregiving

  • Indifference or neglect of the child’s physical or emotional needs

  • Scolding, belittling, cursing, shaming, sarcastic, mocking, or disparaging

  • Hitting, beating, or throwing things

  • Making the child feel unloved, inadequate, or unwanted

  • Favor one child over another

  • Using hurtful, symbolic gestures toward the child

Why Does A Parent Reject A Child

There is no single major cause for parents to reject their children.

But there are risk factors, when present, are more likely to result in parental rejection.

Risk factors for paternal rejection and maternal rejection include​2​

  • Parents with less education

  • Low family socioeconomic status

  • Fathers tend to be more rejecting than mothers

  • Male adolescents are more likely to be rejected than female adolescents

Effects Of Parental Rejection

The effects of rejection experienced during childhood can have both short-term and long-term impacts on the psychological adjustment of children.

Personality Dispositions

PARTheory researchers have found that children with rejection trauma tend to develop the following personality dispositions​3​.

  • Lower self-esteem

  • Negative self-adequacy

  • Anger, hostility, and aggression

  • Emotional instability

  • Emotional unresponsiveness

  • Negative worldview

  • Dependence or defensive independence (depending on the perceived rejection’s form, frequency, timing, and intensity)

The findings are consistent across cultures, ethnicities, genders, and geographical locations.

Behavioral Problems

Perceived parental rejection is related to a range of behavioral issues in children and adolescents, including conduct disorders, externalizing behaviors, and delinquency​4​.

Additionally, they may engage in drug use, and binge drinking, and adult children may have trouble forming close adult relationships​5​.

Bullying And Victimization

Student bullying and victimization are related to perceived parental rejection. 

Bullies are more likely to have parents who are cold, indifferent, rejecting, or hostile.

Rejection from parents can also lead to an insecure attachment style, such as an anxious attachment style, associated with being victimized​6​.

Academic Performance

Parental involvement is an important element in academic success and achievement in adolescents.

Children perform better and have a positive attitude toward school when their attachment figures are actively involved in their education​7​.

In contrast, the lack of parental acceptance and involvement tends to negatively affect their school performance and overall well-being.

Social Adjustment Through Childhood

Researchers have found positive relationships between peer rejection and parent rejection.

Rejected children are more likely to have issues with social adjustment in adolescence​8​.

Having rejecting parents makes a child more sensitive to peer rejection.

Their expectations of rejection by others make them anxious and angry.

These children are more likely to demonstrate less prosocial behavior resulting in more rejection by peers.

They tend to have less empathy, generosity, and helpfulness.

Mental Health Issues

Research consistently indicates a positive association between children’s mental health and parental acceptance.

Maternal and paternal acceptance is a crucial component of the attachment and social-emotional development of adolescents. 

When a child perceives that their parent is rejecting or neglectful, it can lead to feelings of low self-worth, helplessness, and hopelessness.

These negative emotions can persist into adulthood, contributing to the onset and persistence of depression. There are also positive relationships between parents’ rejection and self-injury​9​.

Rejected children are more likely to develop emotional eating, which is a strong predictor of binge eating in youngsters​10​.

Chronic rejection in childhood may lead to mental disorders, such as developmental trauma disorder or complex posttraumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD).

These conditions are characterized by persistent anxiety, difficulty regulating emotions, dissociation, and a distorted sense of self and relationships​11​.

Coping With Parental Rejection

Identify Relationship Issues

Healing begins with identifying the cause of the problem. 

If you have experienced parental rejection during childhood, you know how painful and long-lasting the effects of rejection can be and how much it can affect your relationships today.

However, healing from these wounds and moving forward with a positive and fulfilling life is possible.

This may involve reflecting on past experiences and identifying the specific ways you felt rejected by your parent or parents, which affects how you think or interact with others.

One way to organize your thoughts and reflect on these issues is by journaling. It can also be helpful to talk to a trusted friend or a counselor to figure things out​12​.

Replace Negative Self-Talk With Self-Acceptance

Your history of rejection may also contribute to some of your maladaptive behavior patterns, such as negative self-talk, a tendency to withdraw from social situations, or difficulty forming and maintaining healthy relationships. 

But with effort and support, it is possible to challenge these patterns, raise your self-esteem, and cultivate a more positive and fulfilling life.

Challenge negative beliefs and replace them with positive self-talk

Replace “I am not lovable” with “I am lovable because… “

You are capable and deserving of love and respect. Practice daily to retrain your brain to focus on positive and empowering thoughts.

Meditation and mindfulness exercises can help you become more aware of your own thoughts and catch negative ones​13​.

Self-Care

You can elevate your mood and make your mind less susceptible to negativity by exercising​14​ and getting enough sleep​15​. 

They are effective in reducing symptoms of anxiety and depression, as well as improving your physical health.

Build Positive Relationships

Relational trauma can be healed through positive relationships and adult bonds​16​.

Seek out support and guidance as you work on healing from childhood rejection. 

You can find help from friends, family, or support groups.

You may also work with mental health professionals who are experienced in helping individuals develop coping strategies and self-love.







Types Of Narcissism: An Overview And Clarification

What is Narcissism Narcissism is characterized by pervasive grandiosity, feelings of uniqueness and superiority, excessive need for admiration, a sense of entitlement, arrogance, and self-centeredness.​1​ Narcissists have low empathy for others and do not have a genuine interest in the needs or feelings of others. An individual may suffer from a narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) …

What Is Narcissism

Narcissism is characterized by pervasive grandiosity, feelings of uniqueness and superiority, excessive need for admiration, a sense of entitlement, arrogance, and self-centeredness.​1​ Narcissists have low empathy for others and do not have a genuine interest in the needs or feelings of others.

An individual may suffer from a narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) in severe cases. But one can have traits of narcissism or a small degree of narcissism without NPD.

Due to interpersonal dysfunction, narcissistic behaviors can disrupt healthy interactions and interpersonal relationships with others. 

Narcissists have a domineering and vindictive interpersonal style, poor romantic commitment, and infidelity tendencies. Violent and aggressive behavior is also typical among them.​2​

Types Of Narcissism

Studies on narcissism have been somewhat confusing as they often reach contradictory conclusions.

For instance, some studies have shown that narcissism leads to misery and maladjustment, while others have indicated that it leads to psychological well-being.​3​

The inconsistency is because there is more than one type of narcissism.

To corroborate empirical data, psychologists have studied this trait in different ways and classified it differently. 

Mixing the different types of narcissism differentiated by different variables can create confusion.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)

Clinically, NPD has only one type of diagnosis. At the moment, there is no official subtype that can be diagnosed.

NPD requires a formal diagnosis from mental health professionals or clinical psychologists.

Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) defines NPD as a severe clinical condition characterized by a pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), a strong need for admiration, and a lack of empathy. 

This mental health condition is diagnosed when five or more narcissistic personality traits exist.​4​

  1. an inflated sense of self-importance

  2. preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love

  3. beliefs of being special and unique

  4. requirements of excessive admiration

  5. a sense of entitlement

  6. interpersonal exploitativeness

  7. lack of empathy

  8. envy of others

  9. arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

Covert Vs. Overt Subtypes

In psychology (as opposed to medical diagnosis), covert narcissism and overt narcissism are commonly considered two main types of narcissism.​5​

Overt narcissism, or grandiose narcissism, are characterized by a grandiose sense of self.

Overt narcissists crave attention and can be socially charming, despite often being oblivious to the needs of others. They are typically more adjusted, with high self-esteem and optimism traits. Well-adjusted narcissists tend to have fewer depressive symptoms.

This type of narcissism has some adaptive properties, making grandiose narcissists generally happier.

However, when faced with failure or loss, they may experience depression and feelings of inferiority.

On the other hand, covert narcissism, also referred to as vulnerable narcissism, involves feeling deeply inferior to others.

Covert narcissists are highly sensitive to criticism and often dissatisfied. They tend to be less adjusted, with low self-esteem, leaning more toward the maladjusted end of the spectrum.

They often struggle with anxiety and low self-efficacy and have a higher correlation with measures of depression. Their defensive and fragile grandiosity may serve as a mask of feelings of inadequacy.

Despite initially appearing shy and inhibited, vulnerable narcissists may reveal common traits, such as grandiose and exhibitionistic fantasies, reflecting their underlying narcissistic tendencies upon closer contact.

Grandiose narcissism is the most common type of narcissism studied in psychology research and implicated in the NPD diagnosis.​6​

OvertCovertAlso known as​7​Grandiosity / ExhibitionismVulnerability / HypersensitivityCharacter​8​Charming at first sightTimid, cold, distantSocial interactions​9​EnjoyAvoidAdjustment​10​AdaptiveMaladaptiveSelf-esteem​11​HighLowSelf-efficacy​12​HighLowOptimism​13​PositiveNegativeDepressive​14​FewerMoreHappiness​5​HappyUnhappy

Agency Vs. Communal Subtypes

In the agency-communion model of narcissism, there are two subtypes of narcissism: agentic narcissism and communal narcissism.

Agentic narcissists are primarily focused on asserting their importance, respect, entitlement, and power, particularly when they can exercise control and influence.

They are characterized by a tendency to prioritize their own needs over those of others, often displaying a lack of empathy. They typically view themselves as being exceptionally intelligent.

On the other hand, communal narcissists derive their sense of superiority from serving others, such as through helping, leading, or contributing to a group or community.

They feel important, respected, entitled, and powerful in these situations.

Communal narcissists perceive themselves as exceptionally virtuous, helpful, or self-sacrificing and seek recognition and admiration for their efforts.

However, like agentic narcissists, they can also exhibit a lack of empathy as their actions are primarily motivated by their constant need for recognition and admiration. They generally believe they are the most helpful or virtuous individuals.​15​

Also See: 11 Effects of Narcissistic Parents and How To Deal With Them

Antagonistic, Malignant, Neurotic, And Others

Other theories and labels, such as antagonistic narcissism, malignant narcissism, and neurotic narcissism, have been proposed to categorize narcissism differently, but they tend to only describe specific narcissistic characteristics or serve as alternative names for the different types of narcissists mentioned above.

Most of these labels do not represent widely recognized or well-studied types of narcissism.

As opposed to being independent types, they are more like different narcissistic traits.​1​


Symptoms Of Narcissism

Narcissistic personality disorder is frequently comorbid with other disorders, particularly substance use disorders, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, antisocial personality disorder, and pass-aggressive personality disorder.​16​

Types Of Things Manipulative Parents Say







A manipulative parent is one who uses various tactics to control, exploit, or influence their children to get what they want or serve their own needs, often at the expense of their child’s well-being.​1​

Manipulative tactics can include emotional manipulation, lies, guilt-tripping, threats, and other forms of psychological abuse. 

This kind of behavior can have a negative impact on the child’s mental and emotional health.

And it can lead to toxic family dynamics and relationship issues.

Types Of Things Manipulative Parents Say

Manipulative mothers or fathers often say things to gain control, influence, or achieve their own personal goals or desires.

These goals or desires can range from simple things like making their children do chores or follow the family rules to more complex or self-serving goals like fulfilling their unmet emotional needs or living vicariously through them. 

These experiences create an unhealthy dynamic in the family and negatively impact the child’s mental health.

Here are the different types of things manipulative parents say to their children.

Gaslighting

Narcissistic parents are notorious for gaslighting their children.

A gaslighting strategy undermines a child’s self-esteem and confidence by making them doubt their own reality.

Parental manipulation is often used to gain power and control over a child.

A toxic parent may also try to shift blame onto the child for any problems.

Parental alienation is also commonly associated with gaslighting by parents​2​.

  • “You’re just being too sensitive.”

  • “I never said that.”

  • “That never happened.”

  • “You’re just imagining things.”

  • “Everyone else thinks the same way I do.”

Guilt Induction

Manipulative parents may use guilt or shame to control their children’s behavior or actions.

When their children do not comply with their demands, these parents play the victim role to make children feel guilty​3​.

Some parents make their children feel responsible for their emotional reactions or problems.

They create a sense of obligation and make children prioritize their parents’ needs over their own.

  • “If you really cared about me, you would do what I’m asking.”

  • “I gave up so much for you, and this is how you repay me.”

  • “I’ll never forget how you treated me.”

  • “You’re just like your father/mother, always thinking of yourself.”

  • “You’ll never be able to find someone who loves you like I do.”

Love Withdrawl

Emotional blackmail is a classic manipulation tactic.

Things Manipulative Parents Say

Things Manipulative Parents Say

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While guilt-tripping manipulates through the feeling of guilt, love withdrawal uses the feeling of fear to control children​4​.

The parent may threaten to withdraw love or support unless the child complies with their demands.

Or they may make the child feel like they have to do something to earn the parent’s love and approval.

  • “I’ll never be able to forgive you if you don’t do this.”

  • “I thought you were better than this.”

  • “I can’t believe you would be so selfish.”

  • “I can’t believe I trusted you with this.”

  • “I always knew you weren’t capable of doing this right.”

Isolation

This form of manipulation involves isolating children and limiting their interaction with others to control them​5​.

An abusive mother or father controls their child’s access to information, resources, support systems, or family gathering so that the child becomes entirely dependent on them.

The child cannot grow up to be an independent adult.

In such life situations, children feel helpless and hopeless.

They have no choice but to listen to their parents.

  • “You can’t trust anyone else, only me.”

  • “You don’t need anyone else, I’m here for you.”

  • “They don’t like you, they’re just using you.”

  • “You’re not ready for the outside world yet.”

  • “Don’t talk to them, they don’t understand us.”

Playing Favorites

Playing favorites is manipulative parenting.

Parents show favoritism toward one child over another to make the non-favored child feel bad.

These parents say things to instill a sense of insecurity, jealousy, and inadequacy in children and to make them feel like they are less loved or valued.

  • “I always have to clean up after your messes, but your sibling never causes any problems.”

  • “I love your sibling more, they just get me in a way that you never will.”

  • “Your sibling is just so much easier to get along with.”

  • “Your sister can play more video games because she listens to me.”

  • “Why can’t you be more like your brother/sister?”

Confusing Affection With Control

Manipulative parents confuse their children into thinking that control is love. 

The child is led to believe that the toxic relationship is normal or acceptable, and that’s what loving parents behave.

  • “If you really loved me, you would do what I say.”

  • “I only do this because I care about you.”

  • “I’m just trying to help you, why can’t you see that?”

  • “I’m just trying to teach you a lesson.”

  • “If you loved me, you wouldn’t question me.”

Triangulation

Involving other people or siblings in conflicts to turn them against each other is an intentional manipulation tactic used to control a child’s relationships with others. 

Such manipulation is often used in by malicious parents involved in marital conflict.

Distrust and insecurity with the alienated parent allows the malicious parent to control the child and keep them on their side​6​.

Meanwhile, manipulative parenting instills loyalty, trust, and dependence in the child.

  • “You’re the only one I can rely on.”

  • “I need you to keep this between us.”

  • “Your father/mother doesn’t understand me like you do.”

  • “You’re the only one who understands me.”

  • “Don’t tell your father/mother what we talked about.”

Silent Treatment

A silent treatment is ignoring or isolating a child to punish them for not meeting their unrealistic demands or unreasonable expectations. 

This manipulative tactic pressures the child to give in while avoiding direct family confrontation.

Here are some things manipulative parents say to send a clear message that they are using silent treatment.

  • “I don’t want to talk to you right now.”

  • “I don’t have anything to say to you.”

  • “I don’t want to be near you.”

  • “You need to learn to respect my boundaries.”

  • “I can’t deal with this right now.”

Exploiting Vulnerabilities

Some parents use children’s fears, insecurities, or weaknesses to control them. 

Children are manipulated by these vulnerabilities into giving in to what the parents want.

  • “You’ll never forgive yourself if you don’t listen to me.”

  • “They don’t love you for who you are, but I’m different.”

  • “You’re not strong enough to handle things on your own.”

  • “Listen to me. You only have one chance to do it right.”

  • “You’ll regret this.”

Lying Or Distortion Of The Truth

By altering the child’s understanding of events, manipulative parents use lies to control the story and shape their children’s perceptions of what has happened.

Lying is often used to hide flaws, rationalize mistakes, and avoid accountabilities.

Gaslighting parents use lies extensively to fit their narrative.

  • “I don’t remember it that way.”

  • “I never said that.”

  • “You made that decision yourself.”

  • “You must be mistaken.”

  • “Everyone liked it but you.”

Signs Of Mentally Abusive Parents

What Is Mental Abuse

Mental abuse, also known as psychological abuse, is characterized by the repeated use of non-physical acts such as manipulation, threats, intimidation, and isolation to control, harm, or punish an individual. It can have serious and long-term effects on the victim’s mental health, emotional well-being, and self-esteem.​1​

Types

Mental abuse from parents can take many forms. Here are the five types of mentally abusive behavior. ​2​

  • Rejecting

  • Isolating

  • Terrorizing

  • Ignoring

  • Corrupting

Signs Of Mentally Abusive Parents

Parental abuse can cause lasting harm to the mental, emotional, and physical health of their children.

It is important to be able to recognize the signs of mental abuse so that you can get help for yourself or for a loved one.

This type of abuse is often hard to detect because it is non-physical.

During the course of the day or when disciplining their children, many parents make negative comments or give constructive criticism.

It does not make them abusive.

However, a pattern of behavior can still indicate risk of abuse.

Here are some common signs of mentally abusive adults.​3​

  1. Constant criticism or belittling

  2. Aggressive Outbursts and yelling

  3. Isolation or restriction

  4. Gaslighting or manipulation

  5. Financial control or exploitation

  6. Threats of punishment or physical abuse

  7. Excessive control or monitoring

  8. Public humiliation or embarrassment

  9. Withholding basic needs

  10. Blaming the child for their own problems

  11. Withholding affection or love

  12. Forbidding the child from expressing their opinions or feelings

  13. Calling derogatory names or verbal abuse

  14. Ridiculing the child’s appearance, abilities, or background

  15. Emotional blackmail or guilt-tripping

  16. Using excessive discipline or punishment

  17. Blocking the child’s access to education, opportunities, or social interactions

  18. Treating the child differently based on favoritism

  19. Telling the child that they are worthless or unwanted

  20. Damaging property

  21. Emotional neglect

  22. Set unrealistic expectations

  23. Singling out one child

Also See: Toxic mother signs

Mentally Abusive Parents

Mentally Abusive Parents

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Effects Of Mental Abuse On Children

Mental abuse from parents can have adverse effects on health – emotional and physical.

Depression And Anxiety Disorders

Inadequacy and worthlessness are common themes in mental abuse, and these feelings can damage a child’s sense of self.

Children who are mentally abused are often made to feel rejected and unvalued, leading to diminished self-esteem and feelings of hopelessness. 

Some children with a heightened level of anxiety can also suffer from poor body image due to maltreatment.

They tend to develop mental health issues such as depression and anxiety disorders.​4​

Borderline Personality Disorder

It is estimated that 20–40% of all psychiatric inpatient admissions are related to borderline personality disorder (BPD).

Approximately 84% of people with BPD engage in suicidal behaviors, and 8% die by suicide.​5​

This serious psychiatric disorder is often found in children who have suffered childhood emotional abuse.​6​

Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

Abuse during childhood is a traumatic experience during the formative years

However, child neglect and emotional abuse from parents do not fulfill the DSM criterion for PTSD, requiring the events to be life-threatening.​7​

Yet psychiatrists have found that childhood mental abuse can result in symptoms similar to those of PTSD and have coined this “complex PTSD,” or developmental PTSD​8​.

Symptoms of childhood trauma in adulthood include reexperiencing trauma, substance abuse, and difficulties with interpersonal relationships.

Physical Health Issues

Childhood abuse, though only emotional, can result in problems in one’s physical health in various ways.

When a child is chronically exposed to high a level of stress during development, their blood pressure, immunity, and stress response are affected, leaving them vulnerable to stress-induced illnesses, such as cardiovascular disease, gastrointestinal problems, and chronic pain​9​.

In some cases, childhood mental abuse also leads to unhealthy coping mechanisms, including substance abuse, eating disorders, and self-harm, which can further impact one’s physical health.

This may be helpful.

What Is Trauma Informed Parenting

Trauma-informed parenting is an approach to raising children that acknowledges and addresses the potential effects of past traumatic experiences on a child’s development, behavior, and emotional well-being. This parenting style is particularly relevant for children who have experienced trauma or adverse childhood experiences (ACEs).

Trauma in childhood occurs in various forms. The different types of trauma include physical abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, neglect, loss of a parent, exposure to violence, sudden separation from the caregiver, dysfunctional families, and institutional racism.

Impact Of Childhood Trauma On Child Development

Childhood traumas are strongly associated with the onset of psychiatric disorders among US adolescents. Childhood adversities, such as abuse, neglect, losing a parent, and economic adversity, are among the most consistently documented risk factors.

Across all DSM disorder classes, childhood adversities’ risk proportions ranged from 15.7% for fear disorders to 40.7% for behavior disorders​1​.

Multiple ongoing traumatic events are considered complex trauma that can result in complex post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)

This type of disorder is distinct from single trauma PTSD due to its earlier onset in development and often from the same person who is a source of both threat and safety.

Besides mental well-being, childhood adversities can affect a child’s cognitive functioning.

Imaging studies show that the brain tissue of abused children exhibits a range of anomalies, including disturbances in circuitry, a reduction in brain volume, and reduced white matter in the prefrontal cortex​2​. These children tend to suffer from memory problems and have lower academic performance​3​.

Also See:
How Does Trauma Affect The Brain In Children

For more help on calming tantrums, check out this step-by-step guide

Trauma-Informed Parenting

Trauma-informed parenting is especially relevant for adoptive and foster parents (resource parents)​4​.

Children who have endured chronic trauma from caregivers during their early years often struggle with emotional and behavioral regulation. They also tend to have difficulties forming connections with others. 

Parenting these children can be particularly challenging.

Effects of trauma may include severe behavior problems. These challenging behaviors are often maladaptive behavior developed to cope with the dangerous environments they were raised in or a lack of skills that have not been taught to them.

Supportive adults who adopt a trauma-informed approach recognize the impacts of trauma and take care to prevent retraumatization of the child.

Understand Trauma And Behavior

Behavior problems in traumatized children are often coping mechanisms developed in response to trauma rather than a deliberate act of disobedience, disrespect, or personal attack.

For instance, some children may act defiant when it comes to bedtime. Their intense fear for their own safety may result in the child trying to delay bedtime to escape frightening dreams.

Parents’ empathy and patience when dealing with maladaptive behavior are essential for these children’s healing and recovery​5​.

Establish Safety

Providing a safe and predictable environment so that children feel safe and supported is the first step in their recovery.

This can involve being responsive to their needs, setting clear boundaries and routines, and being consistent in parenting​6​.

Build Trust In Relationships

Traumatic experiences often break children’s trust in others.

Besides providing a predictable and safe environment, trauma-informed parents can build trust by using trust-based rather than fear-based discipline. 

A child is more likely to listen when disciplined through reasoning, connecting, and preventing​7​.

Reasoning – Teach them why some behaviors are proper while others are unacceptable.

Connecting – Focus on building relationships and solving problems rather than punishing the child.

Preventing – Take proactive steps to prevent disruptive behavior before it happens.

Trust can also be built and maintained by repairing ruptures in the relationship when they occur. When a relationship experiences a breach, trauma-informed parents prioritize making amends to repair the relationship and rebuild trust.

Develop Emotional Regulation

Many childhood traumas result from harm that occurs within a caregiver-child relationship. They are called attachment traumas. Betrayal in childhood disrupts many developmental processes, including those that lead to regulating emotion, attending to bodily signals, and developing trust.

There are several things parents can do to help children develop emotion regulation and trust in relationships.

Modeling – Parents demonstrate emotional regulation when facing difficulties, serving as a model for children to follow​8​.

Validation – Acknowledge and validate their child’s feelings, providing them with emotional support.

Co-regulate – Be attuned to and mirror their child’s difficult emotions to co-regulate their intense feelings.

Emotion coaching – Teach children how to identify and understand different kinds of emotions, fostering emotional intelligence.

Coping skills – Teach children how to reframe unfavorable situations, problem-solve, and negotiate better solutions in different contexts.

Speak The Unspeakable

Making sense of their painful experiences is critical in the child’s healing process.

Help the child process their negative experiences by encouraging them to disclose and discuss difficult topics, ask tough questions, and explore their sometimes overwhelming emotions.

Rather than encouraging them to forget their past, create a safe space for them to speak the unspeakable.

They can only move forward when they have processed the trauma and talked about it coherently​9​.

Recovery And Self-Care

A caregiver’s mental well-being is one of the best predictors of a child’s outcomes, not only for parents who have experienced trauma but also for other caregivers who have not experienced trauma themselves.

It is crucial to prioritize supporting all caregivers in practicing self-care and recovering from any stressors they may experience. 

This approach can ultimately benefit the trauma recovery of the children in their care.

Advocate & Coordinate

At times, trauma-informed parents may need to advocate on behalf of their children if clinicians who are not trauma experts misunderstand or misdiagnose the effects of trauma on their children. This may involve advocating for and getting involved with appropriate treatment.

They may also need to coordinate with schools and help others understand their children’s upsetting behaviors through a trauma lens.

Red Flags In Teenage Behavior

As parents, we’ve all been there—our once sweet, innocent child suddenly morphs into a moody, eye-rolling, door-slamming teenager, and we’re left wondering what on earth just happened. 

Welcome to the turbulent world of adolescence, when hormones, peer pressure, social pressures, physical changes, and emotional growth collide, leading to significant changes in emotions and behaviors.

Even though dealing with teenage years may feel like walking through a dense forest, red flags can serve as our compass, guiding us toward early intervention and even professional help if necessary.

Red Flags In Teenage Behavior

Here are some major red flags that may indicate problems in a teen.

  1. Drop in academic performance

  2. Excessive isolation

  3. Disruption in sleep patterns

  4. Lose interest in social activities or extracurricular activities once enjoyed

  5. Mood swings or excessive moodiness

  6. Irritability from time to time

  7. Aggressive behaviors

  8. Excessive anger

  9. Excessive risky behaviors

  10. Unusual rebellious behavior

  11. Secretive behavior

  12. Avoidance behaviors

  13. Social isolation

  14. Extreme weight loss or dramatic weight gain

  15. A lack of personal hygiene

  16. Impulsive behavior

  17. Loss of appetite

  18. Feelings of worthlessness or hopelessness

  19. Covering up arms in the summer

  20. Excessive weight concerns

  21. Extreme dieting

  22. Delinquent behavior

  23. Risky sexual behavior

Issues Behind The Behavioral Changes

Every warning sign can have several causes. Therefore, do not jump to conclusions after observing only one behavioral red flag. 

An isolated red flag might be a mere coincidence.

Some behaviors may also be considered typical teenage behavior. For instance, a teen’s mood swings are normal teenage behavior, but extreme mood shifts are not.

Excessive red flag behaviors or multiple ones often indicate that the teen is grappling with issues or challenges.

Depression

Here are some common signs of clinical depression in teens​1​, a serious mental health disorder.

  • Excessive sleeping or insomnia

  • Loss of interest in once enjoyable activities

  • Appetite loss

  • Lack of engagement with daily life

  • Feelings of guilt or worthlessness

  • Chronically low mood

  • Isolation from family members or stop spending time with your teen’s friends

  • Suicidal thoughts or talk of suicide

General anxiety disorders and other mental health disorders may show similar symptoms.

If you observe these signs or abrupt changes in behaviors, seek help from mental health professionals who can properly diagnose them.

Self-Harm

Self-injurious or self-destructive behavior is direct and deliberate bodily harm without suicidal intent. Self-injury typically involves cutting or carving the skin to decrease negative emotions or as a cry for help​2​.

Some common warning signs include

  • Unexplained wounds or scars, often in patterns

  • Hiding the skin, such as wearing long sleeves on a hot summer day

  • Being alone in the bathroom or bedroom for an extended period

  • Sharp objects such as knives or razor blades hidden in possession

  • Frequent accidental injuries

  • Self-criticism

  • Feelings of helplessness or hopelessness

Self-harm is one of the symptoms of mental illness, such as borderline personality disorder​3​.

It is also associated with adolescent sexual and physical abuse. Seek help from a mental health expert immediately if you notice these in your teen’s behavior.​4​

Eating Disorder

Drastic changes in weight are common signs of eating disorders such as anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa.

Major signs of eating disorders are

  • Obsessive weight measuring or calorie counting

  • Patterns of weight loss

  • Intense fear of gaining weight

  • Negative body image

Many teenage girls are concerned about being overweight and may diet inappropriately. This is normal behavior for adolescents, and most do not have an eating disorder​5​. But don’t hesitate to speak to your family health practitioner if you have any doubts.

Substance Abuse

Alcohol and drug abuse problems are prevalent among young people in the US, and most drug use begins during the teen years​6​. The substance abuse problem often co-occurs with a mental health condition.

Early intervention can be sought if parents can recognize the potential red flags.

  • Red face, bloodshot eyes, or breath odors of alcohol​7​

  • Lack of personal hygiene

  • Irritability

  • Extreme rage or mood swings

  • In possession of illegal drug

  • Difficulty focusing in school or completing assignments

  • Secretive behavior, such as hiding in the bathroom or bedroom for long periods

  • Signs of depression, bipolar disorder, or general anxiety disorder​8​

Coping skills for Teens.

Navigating the turbulent teen years can feel like riding a rollercoaster blindfolded – you never know what steep drop or sharp turn is coming next.

Stress, anxiety, and swinging emotions often feel inescapable. But arming teens with healthy coping strategies can help them stay grounded when life feels out of control.

Sources Of Stress

Adolescence is a time of many positive changes, but these changes can also be major sources of stress for young people. They include

  • Academic pressure

  • Physical maturation

  • Hormonal changes

  • Brain structure reorganization​1​

  • Peer pressure

  • Romantic relationships

  • Gaining independence from parents

  • College applications

  • Financial pressure

  • Uncertainty about the future

  • Emerging adult responsibilities

Without positive coping strategies, these challenges and stresses could elevate to maladaptive behavior, unhealthy coping mechanisms, and mental health issues.

What Are Teen Coping Skills

Teen coping skills are techniques or strategies that can help teenagers deal with stress, negative thoughts, and difficult situations in life in a healthy way. These skills can help us maintain our mental and emotional health during tough times.​2​

Types Of Coping Skills

Researchers group coping skills into different types to study their effectiveness. These types include

  • problem-focused versus emotion-focused​3​

  • approach versus avoidance​4​

  • productive versus non-productive​5​

  • adaptive versus maladaptive coping methods​6​

However, research doesn’t always agree on which type is best. This could be because these groups are broad and can sometimes overlap.

Healthy Coping Skills For Teens

Regardless of categorization, here is a list of coping skills studies have found helpful in dealing with teen stress.

Solve The Problem

Problem-solving skill is a problem-focused coping strategy in which individuals take deliberate steps to alter stressful situations.

This proactive approach encourages individuals to face challenges head-on and find constructive solutions to overcome them. Instead of avoiding problems, it helps you approach them and is considered an adaptive coping mechanism​7​.

For example, if a teenager feels anxious about an upcoming exam, they can create a study plan and reorganize their schedule to ensure they have ample time to prepare. By doing so, they actively address the root cause and work towards a positive outcome to alleviate feelings of anxiety and foster self-efficacy. 

Time management is among the best coping skills for teens. In the long term, problem-solving is also one of the most effective ways to enhance resilience leading to lifelong health.

Ask For Help

Seeking assistance from others is another problem-focused strategy that encourages individuals to confront challenges rather than evade them. It is associated with fewer mental health problems in teenagers​8​.

By reaching out to friends or family members for support, a teenager can gain new perspectives, insights, and potential solutions to tackle the issue at hand.

Empower your teen to speak up and get help when they face a challenge that seems insurmountable. Communicate openly and create a supportive environment so they know asking for help does not imply weakness. Instead, it promotes courage and self-awareness.

However, parents who use harsh punishment to punish their teens for making mistakes are unlikely to have their teens ask them for guidance when they face challenges. Harsh punishment is also associated with increased odds of developing a mental disorder or other mental illness​9​. This is another good reason why punishment doesn’t work to discipline.

Seek Emotional Support

Seeking social support is an emotion-focused coping.

Some studies have found that a support network of friends, family, and teachers is superior to other forms of support in reducing depressive symptoms in teenagers. But in other studies, no such relationships were found.

The discrepancies could be due to the response of their support-seeking.

When the individuals providing support overreact to a situation or minimize the issue, teenagers may perceive this as unsupportive and feel discouraged from seeking help in the future.

Overreaction often comes from parents, while minimization or invalidation usually comes from peers.

Teenagers seeking emotional support should look for help that matches their needs. They are more likely to feel helped when someone is willing to listen, shows empathy in a positive way, and does not trivialize their situation​10​.

Reappraisal

Reappraisal is reevaluating a stressful situation by considering alternative perspectives or interpretations that are less distressing.

As an emotion-focused coping strategy, reappraisal actively addresses the issue in an approaching way rather than avoiding it.

By shifting one’s mindset, reframing the situation, and using positive affirmations, teenagers can alter their negative self-talk and emotional response.

This coping mechanism promotes psychological flexibility and overall emotional health, helping teens become more resilient​11​.

Positive Self-Talk

Teens are moody creatures. They can go from a good mood to a bad mood in a matter of seconds, as if on an emotional roller coaster. Many parents have a difficult time understanding and dealing with their moody teenagers.

Adolescence is a period where childhood transitions to adulthood. It occurs around the onset of puberty and ends when the child is relatively independent of their parents. 

During this time, teenagers are often described as moody, angry, emotional, reckless, impulsive, selfish, hasty, and foolish, among other words. You must wonder how the human species survive with those characteristics and behavior.

As it turns out, there are some good reasons why your teen is moody and hormonal shifts are not the primary cause.

Causes Of Teenage Mood Swings

In the past, many people thought that moody teenagers resulted from increased hormonal levels and immature teen brains. It’s almost as if adolescence is a time of brain deficiency and ineffectiveness.

But over the last few years, a different scientific explanation has emerged, one that makes more sense why the human race is still alive despite the radical behavior change in our moody teens.

Teen Mood Swings – Hormones Are Not Entirely To Blame

Earlier studies show that hormonal surges that start the effects of puberty begin before the teenage years. As a result, these hormones affect the mood and the development of the body and brain long before the teen years​1​.

There is no doubt that sex hormones can affect mood and behavior in individuals. The rising levels of hormones in teenagers do contribute to strong emotions and changes in mood stability.

But is the impact greater on these young people than adults or younger children? There is little evidence to substantiate this claim​2​.

Instead, evidence is mounting that adolescent mood swings result from more than just hormonal fluctuations but also brain growth and changes in brain activities.

Imbalanced Brain Development

Using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI), neuroscientists can now see inside the brains of children and teenagers to study their development. 

They have found that teenagers are so moody largely because brain cell development occurs at different rates in different brain regions. During early adolescence, there are rapid decreases in gray matter and increases in white matter in the limbic system (hypothalamus and amygdala)​3​. These areas of the brain deal with emotional responses. They mature earlier than the frontal lobes (prefrontal cortex), the part of the brain responsible for judgment, impulse control, and self-regulation.

The imbalance in developmental rates of these two areas in teenagers amplifies their primitive brain reactions. As a result, emotional fluctuations in teens are faster and more intense than in young adults or kids​3​.

Sensitivity To Potential Threats

Parents’ agitated responses to their teens’ moods can contribute to mood swings because potential threats can also affect a teen’s ability to self-control. 

Evolutionarily, the ability to sense danger is crucial for human survival. But when the control center in the adolescent brain is underdeveloped, teens are more likely to overreact to even mild indications of threat. 

Any parent of a teen can attest that a minor facial expression, negative look, or even worried glance can trigger moody behavior in teens.

Decrease In The Neurotransmitter Dopamine

Dopamine, one of the neurotransmitters in the brain, controls the ability to experience pleasure and pain. During adolescence, there is a dopamine deficiency which also contributes to extreme mood swings and difficulty in self regulating​4​.

Why Do Brains Develop This Way

Perhaps you are wondering why human brains develop in such a way that leaves teenagers unpredictable and vulnerable.

A new study suggests that adolescence is a time of adaptive flexibility rather than a time of chaos and weaknesses.

From brain scans, scientists have found that during adolescence, the neural circuitry becomes more flexible. Teenagers become less inhibited​5​ and more open to risk-taking​6​. They show greater tolerance for ambiguity​7​ and a willingness to engage in high-risk activities. 

This adaptability supports teens’ learning of the environment and helps them separate from their parents to seek new opportunities​8​. Brain plasticity also allows for the development of new talents and lifelong interests.

So the unwelcome mood swings and unpredictable behavior don’t mean to characterize adolescents. These are the things we notice the most, mainly because we find them annoying or dangerous to our children. However, their main goal is probably to help our kids become independent.

How To Deal With A Moody Teenager

Even though teens’ brain circuits may be adaptable by design, the increased risky behaviors and diminished self-control can pose dangers to themselves and others. 

As teenagers develop, their reasoning ability rises, their resistance to disease increases, and they become stronger and healthier than ever before, yet studies show that the mortality rate increases by 200%.

Needless to say, teens’ mood swings can make daily activities such as having dinner together unpleasant for the family.

Here is what you can do to help your teen get through this transition period safely and pleasantly.

Be A Calm, Consistent Presence

In the teenage years, the brain is more flexible and less regulated to prepare it for the transition into adulthood. The unfortunate downside is that their mood swings can be intense and upsetting to parents.

The goal of these changes is not about attacking you or being defiant. So take a deep breath and try not to take typical teenage mood swings personally.

It may be difficult, but this phase will pass.

Even if your teen seems to have an attitude and act disrespectful to you, stay calm and do not lose your cool. Be the most reliable calming force in the storm while holding clear boundaries for teenage behavior.

In other words, you can address poor behavior calmly and kindly.

Emotions are contagious. You already see that their anger can trigger your anger. Stay calm and do not let your anger feedback to them and escalate everyone’s emotions.

Staying calm may not seem like a “solution” to your problem, but it truly can smoothen the situation rather than intensify it.

Be Supportive, Not Punitive

Dealing with this awful mood is unpleasant, but it can be even worse for your teen. Imagine getting enraged over the tiniest things and not being able to control your own mood.

It’s not fun to be upset.

Nobody enjoys having mood swings.

Parents’ handling of their adolescent’s emotions has a profound effect on their teenager’s behavior and emotional well-being.

Teenagers with emotionally supportive parents tend to be more well-adjusted​9​. Those whose parents punish or dismiss their emotional responses are more likely to develop behavioral problems and depressive episodes or symptoms​10​.

Be Autonomy-Supportive

It is easy to blame mood swings on hormones or adolescence, but teens don’t always become upset for no reason.

Teenagers with controlling parents often suppress their pent-up anger, but changes in their brains make it more difficult to do so, resulting in more emotional outbursts.

Controlling parenting predicts oppositional behavior and conduct disorder in adolescents​11​.

Instead of controlling your child, allow them more freedom to develop independence. Parents’ autonomy support is associated with more intrinsic motivation to study and better academic performance​12​.

Listen To Your Moody Teenager

Listening is another important step we can take to help our teens learn to regulate.

Nothing is more aggravating than being scolded, ignored, and not listened to. 

Teenagers often feel dismissed and disrespected when parents lecture them instead of listening to them. Listen to what they say and try to see things from their perspective.

Attune To Your Teen’s Emotions

Attunement is matching your teenager’s emotional state.

When you are attuned to your teen’s emotional state, they can clearly see that you understand them.

Don’t just mimic their behavior or words. Being attuned is more than just making eye contact or verbally acknowledging them. It is showing empathy or demonstrating that you truly understand their feelings​13​.

Establish Healthy Sleep Habits

A teenager’s sleep patterns change during adolescence. Their internal clock (circadian rhythm) makes them prefer to sleep in the morning and stay up later at night.

Persistent sleep deprivation can affect a teen’s mood and academic performance. Help them get enough sleep and establish healthy habits, like avoiding electronic devices before bedtime​14​.

Encourage Exercises And Meditation

Staying active is important during this time. Both physical activities​15​ and meditations have been shown to promote elevated mood and energy levels​16​. Encourage your child to include them in their daily activities.

Also See: How To Prevent Teenage Reckless Behavior

Pay Attention To Signs Of Depression Or Drug Abuse

Teenagers suffer from mental health problems at an alarming rate, with one in five battling a mental illness issue such as depressive disorder, anxiety disorder, or bipolar disorder. Substance abuse is also common among teens. Both mental issues and drug use can contribute to mood swings​17​.

Having a depressed mood is normal every now and then, but prolonged mood swings or persistent teen depression warrants careful attention.

If you’re concerned or if your child shows symptoms of teen depression, don’t hesitate to consult your child’s pediatrician, healthcare provider, or psychologist. They can assist you in determining whether the emotional changes are normal teenage mood swings or something that needs a more in-depth evaluation. If you notice serious symptoms of depression, such as suicidal thoughts or a suicide attempt, seek help from mental health professionals immediately.

Also See: What Not To Say To A Depressed Teenager

More Parenting Resources

Learning about parenting teens.

If you or someone you know have suicidal thoughts, call 800-273-8255 to speak with someone today

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Help is available 24 hours in English and Spanish.

For more help with mental health issues, check out the resources at the National Institute of Mental Health.

Distraction

While avoidance behavior is generally not considered adaptive coping, there are circumstances in which temporary distractions are positive coping skills for handling stress. 

Distraction, when used appropriately, can provide a mental break and a chance for the teenager to recharge, regroup, and refocus their thoughts and emotions. 

This approach can be particularly useful when dealing with overwhelming stress or when the situation is beyond the teenager’s control.

Engaging in healthy distractions, such as physical activity, hobbies, spending time in nature, or socializing with friends, can help alleviate stress and anxiety in the short term. They can also help teens with depression symptoms​12​.

However, it is important to balance using distraction as a temporary coping mechanism and addressing the underlying issue directly. Overreliance on distraction can lead to avoidance and may hinder the development of more effective coping skills.

Health Care

Good mental health care is a strong protective factors against stress.​13​ Here are some everyday life practices teens can use to strengthen their mental and physical health.

  • deep breathing exercises

  • relaxation exercises such as progressive muscle relaxation techniques

  • getting enough sleep

  • listening to music

  • playing on a musical instrument

  • physical exercises

Unhealthy Coping Skills

Parents can encourage their children to avoid poor coping skills while developing new skills.

Here are some unhealthy coping mechanisms teens should not rely on​14,15​.

  • Self-blame

  • Wishful thinking

  • Avoidance

  • Denial

  • Rumination

  • Drug use

  • Alcoholic abuse

Drinking behavior and the use of substances are hazardous and can contribute to suicidal thoughts and attempts.

Abusive Relationship

Research indicates that a significant proportion, approximately 45%, of adolescents aged 13-14 have experienced abuse within their dating relationships.​9​

Vigilance from parents plays a crucial role in identifying any distress signs in their teenager’s behavior. But teaching their teens about potential warning signs is also important.

For many teens, dating relationships are a novel experience, and they may not easily discern what constitutes abuse. Here are some types of dating violence teens must be aware of.​10​

  • Sexual abuse

  • Sexual coercion

  • Controlling behavior, such as monitoring the whereabouts of a partner or controlling their activities

  • Emotional abuse, such as creating a “hate” website about a former partner

Signs Of Mental Abuse In Children

  1. Anxiety and fear

  2. Low self-esteem

  3. Depressive symptoms

  4. Nightmares or sleep problems

  5. Bed wetting

  6. Loss in appetite

  7. Withdrawal from friends and activities

  8. Lack of trust in others

  9. Poor school performance

  10. Self-harm behaviors

  11. Antisocial behaviors

  12. Destructive behavior

  13. Difficulty expressing emotions

  14. Aggressive behavior

  15. Difficulty concentrating

  16. Suicidal thoughts or attempt

  17. Delayed physical, emotional, or intellectual development

  18. Substance abuse

  19. Running away from home

  20. Regression to younger behaviors (bed-wetting, thumb-sucking)

  21. Lack social skills

  22. Difficulty forming and maintaining relationships with peers



Signs Of Malicious Parent Syndrome And Effects On Children




Studies have found that most children of divorced families want to maintain relationships with both parents. 

They long to see their non-custodial parent, even if that parent is not interested in them much.

However, a small portion of children, especially those between 9 and 12 years old, refuse to visit their non-custodial parents who are in active disputes over custody.

These children seem to perceive them as deserting the family and are aligned with the parents who feel abandoned and rejected in the divorce.

Psychologists have found that these children tend to have worse mental health and share some common characteristics known as the malicious parent syndrome.​1​

What Is The Malicious Parent Syndrome

Malicious parent syndrome is a childhood disorder that arises almost exclusively in high-conflict divorces with child custody disputes.

The alienating parent engages in abnormal behavior intended to cause the child to reject the other parent.

They often lie, manipulate, or make false accusations of abuse or neglect.

Also known as parental alienation syndrome, this disorder harms the child’s emotional well-being and relationships with the alienated parent.

This syndrome was initially called malicious mother syndrome by author Ira Turkat, but researchers later found it gender-neutral. Both malicious mothers and fathers may commit malicious acts.​2​

Signs

Signs Of Malicious Parental Behavior

Here are some examples of malicious behavior by parents intended to harass or persecute the other parents.​3​

  1. The malicious parent attempts to falsely accuse the target parent of abuse

  2. Repeatedly program the alienated child to believe that abuse occurred

  3. Tell children the other parents do not love them to cause damage to parent-child relationships

  4. Greatly exaggerate target parents’ faults

  5. Encourage children to use aggression against target parents

  6. Use excessive litigations to limit the other parent’s visitation or challenge the custody arrangements

  7. Misinform the other parent about school activities or keep them from being involved in the child’s school life

  8. Isolate children from extended family and normal social interactions

  9. Display irrational and extreme behavior when trying to keep children away from the other parents

  10. Believe that alienated parents are responsible for the rupture entirely, while they have done nothing wrong

Signs Of Children With Malicious Parent Syndrome

Here are the signs of malicious parent syndrome in children.​4​

  1. Older children show Reluctance and refusal of parental visits (especially preadolescents and adolescents)

  2. Children reflexively ally with the alienating parents while rejecting the target parents without justifiable cause.​5

  3. Insist their feelings for the targeted parents are their own independent judgment, not influenced by the vindictive parents

  4. Believe that aligned parents can do no wrong

  5. Make false accusations of the targeted parent without supporting details or facts

  6. Absence of any positive feelings toward the targeted parents

  7. Lack of guilt about their antagonistic behavior toward other parents

  8. Use aligned parents’ stories or explanations to articulate why they despise the other parents

  9. Show despise toward others who are associated with the other parents

Causes Of Child Rejection

A note of caution: Malicious parent syndrome has not been included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders V (DSM-V). That means it is not a formal disorder.​6​

There are debates and a wide range of opinions, comments, endorsements, and denunciations by legal and mental health professionals regarding this issue.​7​

As of yet, no conclusion has been drawn as to whether malicious parent syndrome exists and to what extent. 

The more important behavior at issue is why children reject one of their parents.

Psychologists have identified the following as plausible causes of children rejecting parent visitation.

Parent Instigation

Over the years, debates have raged about what causes malicious parent syndrome.

Malicious parental acts tend to show up in intense child custody battles.

On the one hand, supporters of the malicious parent syndrome argue that such actions are primarily caused by a bitter, divorced spouse manipulating the child to reject an innocent parent.

An offending parent engages in this type of behavior during a divorce to feed their own egos and disregard the best interests of their children.

On the other hand, domestic violence victim advocates contend that rejected parents have often abused children and their allied parents, but the family court chooses to overlook or downplay the abuse.​8​

Children’s Contribution

Children can sometimes make an important contribution to forming this syndrome.

Some children manipulate conflicts between their parents for the power it gives them in a divorced family situation otherwise out of their control.

Some children use this opportunity to get more freedom by complaining about the stricter parents to the more permissive parents and capitalizing on the permissive parents’ desire for validation.​9​

All Of The Above And More

There is no evidence that parental alienation or child abuse is the primary cause of children rejecting one parent.

Instead, children reject one parent after divorce for any combination of the above reasons, as well as other factors, such as​10​

  • Lack of warmth, involvement, and competence in parenting by the rejected parent (whether mother or father)

  • Prolonged child custody proceedings

  • More emotionally troubled and less socially competent children

Also See: Co-Parenting Tips

Effects On The Alienated Child

In severe cases, malicious parenting can cause a form of harm to children.

It can leave emotional scars on the child for life. 

Regardless of the cause, children are the ultimate victims of a prolonged, high-conflict divorce process.

These children are at greater risk of emotional, behavioral, and learning problems typically associated with marital conflict.

They are associated with​11​

  • More depressed, withdrawn, somatic, and aggressive

  • Conduct disorder or destructive behavior

  • Extreme expressions of hatred, rage, contempt, and hostility

  • More prone to mental disorders

40 Signs Of Emotionally Unavailable Parents And How To Heal

Emotionally unavailable parents are physically present but emotionally detached. They keep an emotional distance from their children, interacting with them only when necessary, and they remain uninvolved in their lives.

These emotionally absent mothers and fathers do not provide the emotional support and guidance that a child needs to develop emotional regulation, healthy relationships, and coping mechanisms. Emotional neglect in childhood is a form of child abuse​1​.

Parenting is an emotionally involved experience.

There are more joys, affections, anger, and worries involved in raising children than in any other endeavor. 

Parents’ emotions affect the quality of care they provide.

Positive emotions promote patient, sensitive care, and early attachment bonding​2​.

Negative emotions promote insensitive, abusive, and coercive parenting styles​3​. 

There is a strong correlation between parental warmth and favorable development outcomes for children and between parental hostility and negative developmental outcomes.

Emotionally unavailable parents are disengaged.

They are unresponsive and indifferent to most parenting tasks necessary for healthy child development​4​.

Causes

When interacting with their children, emotionally unavailable parents display a pattern of physiological under-arousal​5​.

These detached parents cannot give their children the attention and emotional support they need.

Emotional unavailability in parents could be caused by the following factors.

  • Mental health disorders, such as depression and substance abuse

  • Distracted by work or commitments

  • Preoccupied with their own issues, such as their own childhood trauma in adulthood

  • Emotionally immature parents lack the ability to support their children’s emotional development

  • Distressed by marriage discord or other life events​6​

  • Lack of empathy or socialization-related emotions​7​

  • Emotional instability caused by poor emotional regulating skills

18 Signs Of Emotionally Unavailable Parents

Here are some of the common signs of emotionally cold parents​8​.

Emotionally Unavailable Parents

Emotionally Unavailable Parents

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  1. Emotionally cold parents speak to their children with a flat tone of voice

  2. Avoid eye contact with their children

  3. Not interested in their children’s activities

  4. Avoid spending time with their children

  5. Unresponsive to their children in times of distress

  6. Always seem busy or preoccupied with something other than their children

  7. Rarely hug or smile at their children

  8. No expression of love in words or actions

  9. Passively reject their children’s display of affection

  10. Uninvolved in children’s lives

  11. Dismiss or ignore their children when they display emotions

  12. Do not praise or offer positive feedback

  13. No words of encouragement

  14. Depressed parents

  15. Have addiction-based issues

  16. Have a childhood history of emotional or physical abuse

  17. Uncomfortable with emotional connection

  18. Critical of children’s mistakes

22 Common Signs In Young Children

  1. Develop insecure-anxious attachment during childhood

  2. Attachment disorder (in extreme cases)

  3. Passive and withdrawn behavior patterns

  4. Childhood development delay and failure to thrive

  5. More anger, whining, and negative emotions

  6. Feelings of worthlessness, humiliation, shame, and self-blame

  7. Struggle in social interaction

  8. Speech delay

  9. Avoidance of mother and other children

  10. Behavioral issues and symptoms of behavioral disorders

  11. Difficulties in relationships with peers

  12. Disruptive and impulsive behavior

  13. Aggressive and defiant behavior

  14. Rocking and self-soothing motions in severe cases

  15. Cognitive deficits

  16. Low self-esteem and sense of self-worth

  17. Have trouble focusing

  18. Suffer from dissociative symptoms

  19. Less emotional competence

  20. Difficulty interpreting facial expressions

  21. Depressive symptoms

  22. Anxiety disorder symptoms

Effects

Future Relationships

When there is an emotional deficit in parents, children develop a deep fear of abandonment. 

Emotionally neglected children learn that their parents will respond, but only if they work at it.

They make the parent pay attention using attention-seeking behaviors such as being overly demanding or babyish.

Others may care for their parents so they will be wanted by them.

Boundary issues result when the duties of parents are blurred with those of children​9​.

It is likely that children who show this type of behavior and emotional neediness will end up in lopsided relationships or abusive relationships in adulthood.

Some children are also unable to trust or relate to others as a result of emotional neglect.

It may be hard for adult children to form deep relationships​10​. 

Self-Esteem

Children raised by emotionally distant parents may have a difficult time developing a sense of self-worth. 

They tend to have low self-esteem​11​.

Emotion Dysregulation

Parents who are emotionally unavailable to their children are unable to provide optimal stimulation and regulate their children’s arousal. 

As a result, children lack emotional regulation skills to cope with the challenges of life​12​.

Suicidal Attempts

Emotionally unavailable parenting can have significant, long-term effects.

Children growing up with an emotionally unavailable parental figure are more susceptible to suicide during adolescence​13​.

Mental Health

Children of emotionally unavailable parents may struggle with mental health conditions such as depression, anxiety disorder, and eating disorders later in life​14​.

How To Heal From Emotional Neglect

Having emotionally detached parents have a profound impact on their children’s development.

Emotional neglect is particularly detrimental in infancy​1​.

As a child’s development progresses, neglect has an increasingly negative impact on their abilities and deficiencies.

Here are some suggestions to start the healing process.

Recognition

Healing begins when you recognize the harm that has been done to you.

Issues were rooted in your parents’ own emotional needs, not in your inadequacy.

A major obstacle to healing is the belief that you are responsible for your parent’s emotional inaccessibility-that if you behaved differently, they would have been able to love you more.

However, this is not true. You are not responsible for their emotional availability or the lack of it. 

Acceptance

Accept that only they themselves can change their behavior.

Your parent may never get better or change, but what matters most is that you do.

Build A Support Network

The importance of seeking out and building a network of emotional support is particularly important for people who grew up without proper emotional support.

A good place to start is by seeking out friends who show understanding. 

A support group of people with similar experiences can help you feel understood, validated, and less isolated.

Sharing your story allows you to hear what helped others who have been there before.

Plan And Do Positive Activities

Engaging in positive activities can increase positive emotions and help you feel more normal. 

Positive activities may include doing fun things, exercising, meditating, and helping others.

Professional Help

Seek mental health care whenever possible. In every state, there are public resources available to help those who cannot afford therapy.

An experienced therapist or psychologist can help you make sense of the past.

They can also help you develop new ways of looking at yourself and relating to others so you can build meaningful relationships.

Types Of Emotionally Abusive Parents And Their Effects On Children

Emotional abuse from parents can take many forms, including verbally abusing, terrorizing, exploiting, isolating, rejecting, neglecting, and parentifying​1​. It occurs when parents repeatedly interact with their children in a harmful way. The parent’s abusive behavior can be chronic or only when triggered by alcohol or other potentiating factors.

Types Of Emotional Abuse By Parents

Emotional abuse is hard to identify because, in most cases, it occurs behind closed doors and does not have obvious physical signs, as opposed to physical abuse or sexual abuse. 

It is not always clear to what extent abusive behaviors are considered emotional abuse, as they are sometimes seen as bad parenting skills.

Here are some types of abuse from childhood that can leave emotional scars​2​.

Verbal Abuse

Verbal abuse from parents includes belittling, name-calling, degrading, shaming, ridiculing, singling out a child to criticize or punish, and humiliating a child in public. It includes openly telling children they are worthless or calling them derogatory names.

Terrorizing

Terrorizing is life-threatening, making a child feel unsafe, setting unrealistic expectations with the threat of harm if they are not met, and threatening or inflicting violence on the child or their loved ones.

Exploiting

Exploiting or mis-socializing a child is encouraging them to develop inappropriate behavior that interferes with their development. For example, the parent may instruct their child to commit crimes or other antisocial activities.

Rejecting

The parent refuses to acknowledge the child’s worth and the legitimacy of their physical and emotional needs.

A child is also rejected when their parent defines them as failures, refuses to acknowledge their accomplishments, refuses to show affection to them, and pushes them away.

Also See: Parental Rejection

Isolating

The parent cuts off the child from normal social interactions.

They may confine the child, preventing them from participating in social activities such as family gatherings and school functions.

Child Neglect

The parent fails to provide basic needs such as food, shelter, and clothing.

They may leave a child mentally, physically, or emotionally ill or prevent them from receiving treatment.

Parentification

The parent forces their child to grow up and take on responsibilities they are not ready for.

What Are Emotionally Abusive Parents

What are Emotionally Abusive Parents

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The child is criticized and punished for their age-appropriate behavior if they do not meet these expectations.

Domestic Violence

The mental well-being of children who witness domestic violence is undeniably compromised, regardless of whether they are physically harmed.

Causes Of Emotional Abuse

Some common risk factors of emotional mistreatment are:

  • Abusive parents suffered from parental abuse in their own childhood

  • Affective disorders, depression, etc.

  • Substance abuse such as alcohol and drug use

  • Contentious divorce

  • Poor or lack of parenting skills

  • Children who are unwanted or unplanned

  • Children who are socially isolated

  • Children who are intellectually or emotionally handicapped

Effects Of Having Emotionally Abusive Parents

Maltreatment of any kind creates emotional harm.

However, research has indicated that emotional maltreatment is particularly harmful, possibly the most damaging form of abuse​3​.

Psychological abuse may have many long-term consequences for the child victim, such as the following.

Low Self-Esteem

Emotional maltreatment is particularly detrimental to a child’s self-esteem

The demeaning nature of abuse toward children directly targets their self-worth.

Low self-esteem results from constant criticism internalized by them.

Low self-esteem, in turn, causes a strong sense of shame, feelings of worthlessness, inadequacy, self-dissatisfaction, and disempowerment​4​.

Emotional Development

Emotional maltreatment impacts emotional health and development in children.

Abused children may develop emotional instability, borderline personality disorder, or emotional unresponsiveness as a result.

They are also more prone to withdrawal​5​, self-directed anger, and pessimism about the future.

Social Skills

Emotional maltreatment is particularly destructive for a child’s competence in verbal and non-verbal communication skills, social skills, empathy and negotiation​6​. 

As a result of childhood abuse, children have a distorted sense of relationships, making it difficult for them to form friendships or develop close relationships.

Externalizing Behaviors

Other effects include externalizing behavior such as physical aggression, relational aggression, and impulsivity​7​.

Relationship Aggression

Children are more likely to become victims or perpetrators of abuse in adulthood​8​.

Mental Health Issues

Emotionally abused individuals are at a three-fold higher risk of developing mental health conditions such as depressive disorder or eating disorders than non-abused individuals​9​.

In addition, emotional abuse from parents can lead to obsessive-compulsive symptoms and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)​10​.

They are also three times more likely to show suicidal behavior and suicidal ideation.

Academic Performance

Abused children are more likely to show lower academic achievement.

Sexually Transmitted Infections And Risky Sexual Behavior

Emotionally abused have a significantly higher risk of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and sexually risky behavior​11​.

HIV infection is twice as likely found in those who have been emotionally abused as kids.

Physical Health And Life Style

Child emotional abuse has adverse effects on health and lifestyle.

It is associated with smoking, alcohol problems drinking, obesity, and health-related problems such as failure to thrive, somatic complaints, poor adult health, and high mortality​12​.

Also See: 23 Signs Of Mentally Abusive Parents

How To Deal With Emotionally Abusive Parents As A Child

If you are a child facing an emotionally abusive adult, ask for help from a school counselor or trusted adult. If they don’t believe you or listen to you, try another one. 

Keep telling someone until you find someone who can help or support you emotionally. 

Most likely, they won’t be able to do anything about it, but they may help you connect with mental health professionals, convince your parents to seek help, or be a caring adult who listens to you to help lessen your pain.

Also, check out this article on how to deal with strict parents as a child.

Also See: Trauma-Informed Parenting

How To Deal With Emotionally Abusive Parents As An Adult

Distancing

The best way to prevent abuse in adulthood is to keep a physical and emotional distance from the abusers.

The decision to cut off contact with one’s parents is not an easy one.

You must weigh what you can gain from staying in an abusive relationship against the risks to your health.

Professional Help

It is best to seek professional help whether you want to stay away or be in touch with your abusive parents.

To remain in contact with your parent, you will need the help of a family therapist.

When they are repeated frequently, parents’ abusive behaviors and your responses may have become normalized over time.

They are difficult to change without outside help.

If you decide to cut ties, a therapist or clinical psychologist can help you regain your sense of self-worth and address the negative impacts of your past.

Healthy relationships can also be formed and maintained with the help of mental health professionals.

Social Support

Build a network of supportive friends and families. Support yourself emotionally by surrounding yourself with people who understand you.

Emotional abuse during childhood is highly predictive of adult depression. Research has found that social support is protective against depression for abused females​13​.