Children and young adults in care and leaving care
The local authority has a duty to provide services and support for children who are currently looked after or have been looked after even after they reach the age of 18
Social services Tend to make many promises to children whilst in foster care, especially if a child is asking to have more contact with their birth parents.
many children in care are told that they were abused by their parents whilst the child /young adult has no recollection of any abuse.
often the kind of abuse they are talking about is something they call possible future emotional harm. this means that the child was taken from a parent who they believe is stopping the child from having contact with the other parents. It could be mum stopping the child from seeing dad, or dads stopping the children from having any contact or time with their birth mother for whatever reason. often the reason can be that the parent stopping contact is worried the other parent will hurt the child or be abusive to them as they may have experienced this themselves whilst being with the other parent.
Sometimes though the parent that is stopping contact is using the child to hurt the other parent by keeping them from seeing them because they have hurt them but not hurt the child. Perhaps they had no intention of ever hurting the child. But an abused person will hold understandable concerns that something could happen.
Social services and the courts don’t always get things right. Sometimes the parent who cares for the children is right to have stopped the contact between the children and the other parent. And sometimes they do get it right and the child ends up missing out on a good and positive relationship with the other parent because of an overly anxious parent worried something could happen.
It is when a child is told the other parent is bad and will do harm but the child does not feel that they are in danger with the other parent that the courts and the guardian try to intervene. There are times when the guardian won’t accept the child knows how they feel about the other parent. The professionals might believe that the child says things to align him/herself with the parent that they live with and say that they don’t wish to see the other parent because they have been told by the parent with care of the child that the other parent is bad without being able to pinpoint where he/she has been bad. They believe that the parent that the child is living with has coached the child to say that the other parent is bad. They call this parental alienation and it is recognised as child abuse.
There are incidences where the courts and the guardian for the court tend to want a child to see both parents regardless of any abuse that might have happened in the past.
The current laws which say both parents have a right to have contact with the child is currently still being looked at in order to eventually and hopefully change these laws.
That video can be viewed if you click this below link.
House of Commons MPs Call for an Inquiry into the Family Courts
SOCIAL SERVICES HAVE TO ACCEPT WHAT THE COURT DECIDES AND IT USUALLY DECIDES BASED UPON WHAT THE GUARDIAN THINKS.
THE GUARDIAN HAS TO ABIDE BY THE LAW AND THE LAW SAYS THAT BOTH PARENTS HAVE EQUAL RIGHTS TO HAVE CONTACT WITH A CHILD EVEN IF ONE OF THOSE PARENTS HAVE DONE SOME VERY BAD THINGS.
This is not to say that all bad parents that do wrong are fathers or men. There are mothers who do wrong too. Stopping a good father from having contact with a child to hurt him because he upset her or ended a relationship with her is unacceptable.
If your child is struggling with how they're feeling and you're looking for advice on how to best support them, get in touch with us via our Parents Helpline Webchat.
Once you are connected, a webchat adviser will direct you to information on our website or signpost you to other organisations that can offer you support. The conversation will last around ten minutes.
Our Parents webchat is open 9:30am - 4pm, Monday - Friday.
Access our webchat here:
Youngminds - fighting for young people's mental health
YoungMinds Textline
Text YM to 85258.
Provides free, 24/7 text support for young people across the UK experiencing a mental health crisis.All texts are answered by trained volunteers, with support from experienced clinical supervisors.
Texts are free from EE, O2, Vodafone, 3, Virgin Mobile, BT Mobile, GiffGaff, Tesco Mobile and Telecom Plus.
Texts can be anonymous, but if the volunteer believes you are at immediate risk of harm, they may share your details with people who can provide support.
Opening times:24/7
Childline
If you’re under 19 you can confidentially call, chat online or email about any problem big or small.
Sign up for a free Childline locker (real name or email address not needed) to use their free 1-2-1 counsellor chat and email support service.
Can provide a BSL interpreter if you are deaf or hearing-impaired.
Hosts online message boards where you can share your experiences, have fun and get support from other young people in similar situations.
Opening times:24/7
NHS Urgent Mental Health Helpline (England only)
Offers mental health support and advice, help to speak to a mental health professional, and can arrange an assessment to help decide on the best course of care.
Opening times:24/7
Samaritans
Whatever you're going through, you can contact the Samaritans for support.
Opening times:24/7
MANY CHILDREN ARE PLACED INTO THE CARE OF A PARENT WHO HAS DONE VERY BAD THINGS BECAUSE THE FAMILY COURT IS DIFFERENT TO A CRIMINAL COURT. A CRIMINAL COURT CAN CAUSE SOMEONE TO BE GUILTY OR NOT GUILTY OF CRIME and imprison them. THE FAMILY COURT IS THERE TO MAKE SURE ONE PARENT CANNOT STOP ANOTHER PARENT FROM HAVING ANY RELATIONSHIP WITH THE CHILD. IF THEY DO, THEY ARE CALLED THE ALIENATOR AND THE PARENT WHO HAS DONE BAD THINGS CAN END UP CARING FOR THE CHILDREN WHILST THE PARENT WHO TRIED TO STOP THAT HAPPENING ENDS UP HAVING TO HAVE THEIR CONTACT WITH THE CHILD SUPERVISED. this will be CONFUSING especially for the child as they will view the parent whose intention right or wrong, was to protect them must have done something worse than the other parent did and they are not being told the truth about this or they would be with that parent and not the one they are living with.
THE INTENTION OF A PARENT TRYING TO PROTECT A CHILD FROM A PARENT WHO HAS DONE BAD THINGS IS RARELY ABOUT TRYING TO HURT THE OTHER PARENT BUT MORE ABOUT NOT WANTING THE CHILDREN TO BE HURT BY A PARENT WHO HAS DONE BAD THINGS.
the courts THINKING right or wrong IS THAT WHERE A PARENT MIGHT HATE THE OTHER PARENT AND MAY HAVE HURT THAT PARENT, HE/SHE WOULD NEVER HURT THE CHILD.
WE AT FAMILYCOURTSUPPORT.SOCIAL ARE OF THE OPINION THAT YOU the children and adults leaving care DESERVE A SAY IN WHO YOU GO TO. YOU ALONE NEED TO KNOW IF THE PARENT OR PERSON THAT YOU LIVE WITH HAS LIED AND MISLED YOU, OR IF THEY HAD YOUR BEST INTERESTS AT HEART OR NOT.
CHILDREN THAT HAVE BEEN PLACED INTO CARE
many children /young adults are afraid of the consequences of asking to see more of their birth parents. USUALLY, THE FOSTER CARERS HAVE CONTROL OF PRIVILEGES SUCH AS MONEY AND PLAYING THEIR GAMES, TIME WATCHING TV OR WORSE THEY MAY PHYSICALLY PUNISH A CHILD IF THEY EXPRESS A WISH TO SEE MORE OF THEIR NATURAL PARENTS OR EXPRESSING A WISH TO GO TO LIVE BACK HOME WITH THEM.
IF THIS IS YOU, AND YOU FIND THAT SOCIAL SERVICES DO NOT LISTEN, OR TELL YOU THAT YOU CANNOT GO AND LIVE WITH YOUR PARENTS THEY ARE NOT BEING HONEST WITH YOU.
BY 14 YEARS OF AGE OR YOUNGER IF YOU HAVE COMPETENCY, YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO APPROACH A SOLICITOR TO ASK THEM TO REPRESENT YOU.
YOU MAY CONTACT CITIZENS ADVICE, THE LINK IS ON THE HOME PAGE OF THIS WEBSITE AND DISCUSS WAYS THAT YOU CAN DISCHARGE YOUR OWN CARE ORDER AND GET YOUR RIGHTS MET.
What you need to know.
AS A GROUP OF PARENTS THAT HAVE HAD THEIR CHILDREN REMOVED FROM THEM, OFTEN FOR MADE-UP REASONS, WE WOULD ADVISE ANY CHILD LEAVING CARE THAT IF YOUR PARENT/ PARENTS DID NOT EVER DO HARM TO YOU. OR IF YOU WERE TOLD THAT THEY DID, OR THAT YOUR PARENTS ARE MANIPULATIVE LIARS BY THE FOSTER CARER OR ADOPTIVE PARENT OR SOCIAL WORKER, THE CHANCES ARE THAT YOUR PARENTS HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR YOUR RETURN TO THEM FOR MANY YEARS.
AT ANY AGE YOU ARE ENTITLED TO FIND YOURSELF A SOLICITOR
AT THE AGE OF 18 YOU ARE ENTITLED TO MAKE DECISIONS FOR YOURSELF AND YOU CAN DEMAND YOUR PARENTS ADDRESS AND PHONE NUMBER AND YOU CAN GO HOME TO YOUR PARENTS.
OFTEN WE HEAR THE SAME STORY THAT CHILDREN IN CARE HAVE BEEN PROMISED BURSARIES AND A HOME OF THEIR OWN AT 18. THESE THINGS ARE NEVER FORTHCOMING. WE HAVE SEEN THE CHILDREN’S HOMES THAT YOUNG PEOPLE HAVE BEEN PLACED INTO WHEN A CHILD CHOOSES TO LEAVE FOSTER CARE. THESE ARE CALLED MOVING ON PLACEMENTS. THE RESIDENTS ARE USUALLY OTHER LOOKED AFTER CHILDREN THAT HAVE BEEN LET DOWN BY THE SYSTEM.
FROM THE AUTHOR OF THIS WEBSITE, MY SON LEFT FOSTER CARE SUICIDAL AND SELF HARMING AFTER YEARS OF FAILING IN SCHOOL AND NEVER HAVING BEEN ABLE TO GET EMOTIONAL SUPPORT, HE WENT UNDIAGNOSED WITH AUTISTIC SPECTRUM DISORDER (ASD) THIS IS A CONDITION THAT AFFECTS SOCIAL INTERACTION, COMMUNICATION, INTERESTS AND BEHAVIOUR. IN CHILDREN WITH ASD, THE SYMPTOMS ARE PRESENT BEFORE THREE YEARS OF AGE.
THOUSANDS OF CHILDREN LIKE YOU ARE BEING LET DOWN BY THE SYSTEM AND SO AS PARENTS WHO HAVE BEEN THROUGH ALL OF THIS WITH OUR OWN CHILDREN WE RECOMMEND THAT IF YOU FIND YOURSELF ABANDONED THIS WAY BY SERVICES WHO YOU CANNOT MAKE CONTACT WITH AFTER LEAVING CARE, AND YOU HAVE NO MEMORY OF ANY WRONGDOING BY YOUR PARENTS PLEASE CONTACT YOUR PARENTS. THEY WILL BE WAITING EAGERLY FOR YOUR CALL.
YOU CAN ALSO EMAIL C_LOVE888@LIVE.COM TO GET HELP FROM A PARENT WHO KNOWS.
WHAT SOCIAL SERVICES ARE SUPPOSED TO DO FOR YOU.
Contacting birth parents
When children want to trace their birth parents
It is only natural for adopted children to be curious about where they have come from. However, wanting to meet their birth family doesn't mean that they don't love their adoptive parents. They will have their own reasons for wanting to find their birth parents and it may be emotional for all of you during this time.
Adopted people in England, Wales and Northern Ireland have had the right since 1975 to see their original birth certificate when they reach the age of 18. In Scotland the age is 16 and this right has existed since legal adoption was first introduced.
For some people the knowledge and understanding gained from their birth records is enough, whilst for others, this leads to a further desire to try to trace their birth parents or other family members.
What they may be feeling
If a child has only just discovered that they are adopted it can be an unsettling emotion. It is understandable that they may feel that tracking down their birth parents might resolve their issues. During this time, offer them a sense of belonging and talk to them about how they are feeling. Let them know that you understand their reasons for wanting to find this out and will try to support them all the way. This would mean everything to them, even if they do not show it.
If things are not going well with their parents, it may be easy for young people to put their vision of their birth parents on some kind of a pedestal. They may have an idealistic image of them. After all, they have not been theones setting boundaries or giving them a hard time when they are misbehaving. It can be tough to encourage them to realise these people are only human after all. No-one can live up to this kind of expectation.
Tracing Birth Parents
For some parents this strong desire of their child to seek where they have come from can be hurtful. It may lead, in some cases, to feelings of rejection and that they have somehow lost the previously close bond or closeness they had previously. Giving them space and encouragement to talk through their reasons why they want to trace the family who gave birth to them may help. Counselling for the young person and also their adoptive parents may be worth considering. Talking to your GP about the situation may be useful as he or she may be able to refer on for talking therapies on the NHS.
If any adopted person decides that they would like to go ahead and trace their birth parents they will need to be prepared for a frustrating and lengthy process. The wait may cause all kinds of emotional ups and downs and it would help for them to have someone they feel able to confide in for support along the way.
The 1976 Adoption Act entitles individuals to the information on their original birth certificate, and to know which court or agency handled the adoption.
The first step in finding birth parents is to contact the relevant
Register Office in England and Wales; Northern Ireland; Scotland.
People adopted before November 12, 1975 are required by law to receive counselling before being allowed access to the information. This is required because some natural parents and adopters may have been led to believe that their children would never be able to trace their original names or the identity of their parents.
People adopted after November 11, 1975 are not legally required to seek counselling. However, it is still advisable to really consider talking things through with someone before proceeding. It can be worth contacting their local authority for help on the issue.
Using social media
The increase in social media has rapidly changed adoption, fostering and tracing family members. For many people who are trying to trace family members, using sites such as Facebook has helped them to reunite with loved ones but for others it can be unwanted contact which can cause distress and far reaching consequences.
We have seen many cases in the media where social services have removed at risk children from their family and then the child has become easily reachable on social networking sites. This then causes risky issues for the child and the family who is caring for them. For some, contact can be damaging and can leave the young person in fear. There are lots of tips and advice you can read before you go down the social media route to trace birth parents and it is important to do your research first.
Useful Organisations
The Adoption Contact Register
A number of agencies allow birth parents or relatives to leave their details, which can be made available on the receipt of an application from any adopted person. If they make the initial enquiry, they will be informed if any relative gets in touch.
The General Register Office in England and Wales runs an Adoption Contact Register. In Northern Ireland, contact the Registrar General and for Scotland try Birthlink.
Post adoption centres
For info, advice and/or counselling before or after tracing birth parents, After Adoption (England and Wales) or the Scottish Adoption Advice Service (Tel: 0141 248 7530) may be useful.
For advice and information about the searching process and how to find emotional support see the BAAF website link Talking about origins and the Adoption Search Reunion website www.adoptionsearchreunion.org.uk.
BELOW IS A WEBSITE FOR YOU TO SEARCH FOR LOVED ONES WHO WERE ADOPTED.
(CLICK THE IMAGE)
Contact through Social Networking Sites
Tips on searching and reunions
This information is summarised from The Adoption Reunion Handbook (which reported the experiences of adopted people who searched for information) by Liz Trinder, Julia Feast and David Howe. Wiley, 2004 and has been included on this website with kind permission of the publisher. Further details and ordering information are available on the Wiley website.
Don’t start the journey until the time is right for you
Start the search and reunion journey when you feel the time is right for you - don’t feel pressurised by others to embark on something you are not ready for or that does not feel comfortable for you.
Be aware of those involved
Most searches and reunions have a positive outcome. Welcomed and happy reunions can be exciting and consuming, but don’t forget about the other people around you - it’s important not to make them feel left out.
Prepare yourself for potential outcomes
Remember all reunions are unique, but it is good to have considered some of the potential positive and difficult outcomes that you may encounter along the way.
Consider the process from different perspectives
Sharing your thoughts and feelings and thinking about how other people might be feeling can help you understand the search and reunion process from all the different perspectives.
Use an intermediary for initial contact
Do use an independent intermediary if you can - contacting birth relatives out of the blue can be exciting but also unsettling. Using an intermediary gives the person being contacted time to consider what the reunion will mean for them and their family.
Seek out support
Make sure you have the support you need. Talk to people you trust such as adoption counsellors, partners or friends, or join a support group to talk about your hopes, fears and expectations.
Be realistic and flexible in your expectations
Think about the expectations you have about the search and reunion as well as other people’s too. Sometimes these will not match so you need to think of how you will manage this. Be prepared to adjust your expectations along the way.
Involve your adoptive family in the process
If you can, do try and let your adoptive family know about your search and reunion journey - they may be a good support for you even though they may need reassurance that they will always be your family.
Be aware of the possibility of negative response
Receiving negative responses from birth relatives can be very upsetting and unsettling. Make sure you have people around that you can talk to and who can understand why you feel hurt.
Accept your changing emotions throughout
All people affected by an adoption reunion are likely to have a mixture of feelings about the event that may alter over time. Remember it can take time to get it right and comfortable for everyone. Be patient and kind to yourself.
The Children Act 1989 places duties on Local Authorities towards ‘looked after’ and previously ‘looked after’ children as they exit the care system.
All children who are over 16 and leaving care fall within one of the following categories:
eligible child;
relevant child;
former relevant child; OR
other qualifying care leavers
Particular duties will be placed on the Local Authority if the child meets a certain criteria, as described in the table below:
Eligible Child
Schedule 2, Paragraph 19B CA 1989
Aged 16 or 17
Looked after by children’s services for a period of 13 weeks since the age of 14
Currently looked after
A Personal Advisor
A Needs Assessment
A Pathway Plan
Receive all the care and support they normally receive until they leave care
Relevant Child
Aged 16 or 17
Looked after by children’s services for a period of 13 weeks since the age of 14
Looked after for a period of time after their 16th birthday
No longer looked after
A Personal Advisor
A Needs Assessment
A Pathway Plan
Accommodation and maintenance
financial support to meet education, training and employment needs
Former Relevant Child
Aged between 18 and 21 OR between 18 and 25 if still in full-time education
Previously an eligible child and/or a relevant child
A Personal Advisor
A Pathway Plan, kept under regular review
Assistance with employment, education and training
Assistance with accommodation
Help with living costs
Qualifying Care Leaver
Section 24 CA 1989
Aged between 16 and 21 OR between 16 and 25 if still in full-time education
Looked after by children’s services on, or after, their 16th birthday and no longer looked after
Spent less than 13 weeks in care since 14th birthday, i.e. do not fulfill criteria for eligible or relevant child
Help with living expenses and if they are in higher education they may also help with securing vacation
accommodation
advice and assistance from Children’s Services, which may, be in cash